English Reflection

English IV Reflection Paper

At the beginning of this year I knew how to write a formulated essay the night before it was due. This year I learned how to plan creative essay. Before this year I did not think that I could convey my thoughts and analyze if it wasn’t the classic formula. Now I know that I can and that the non-traditional way actually makes my points stronger. Our discussions in class allowed me to formulate ideas that I later used to write my paper. I really liked watching Hamlet because I absorbed the classic literature while getting an alternative source to compare it to. My hamlet essay was my favorite essay to write. I think that next year I will need that skill at Emerson where learning is not traditional. iPads made reading different but different was good once we switched to Subtext. Free reads was a fun and important activity because he helped me build my stamina and remember that I do love to read. I have loved all of my classes that I have taken with Dr. Forman. I know that I will have the study skills he has taught me, the confidence he has given me and the creativity that he has allowed me to explore forever. 

SURROUNDINGS

When we lose someone or something close to us unexpectedly, the power of the universe is amplified. And when the world around you is at a stand still it's hard not to notice every little thing. Although the sun rises every morning and sets every night it suddenly becomes more. INSERT QUOTE HERE.

Poetic >>> Textual

When you feel so much yet at the same time feel nothing at all. -- Hard to connect to people around him

Heart beats echo in your head and the world around you comes to a complete stop. -- Observant 

The feeling of having something taken away from you. It's NOT fair -- Denial + Justification 

Outline

Paragraph One : Human connection - everyone has felt pain due to the loss of someone. I want the reader to feel the emotions they felt and therefore be able to relate to Meursault and myself. Bring them back to the initial state of numbness.

Paragraph Two: The world around us - it is hard to look at the world the same when you feel something has been taken from you. The way you look at settings...more detail...Mersault is very detailed about setting when he is at the home his mother passed away in. The way people react to other people...denial...proving to them that they didn't do anything.

Ideas

Sees Solomono crying about dog... Reminds him of mom
Starts the book on a somber note
When he's questioned about feeling sad...how he reacts
Judges everyone
Judges his surroundings...can be good and bad

Stages of grief
I'd...suppressed ?

We love English!

STRANGER ESSAY

Basic Concept: How death affects the way humans look at life...

HOW WE REACT TO THE DEATH.

HOW WE LOOK AT THE PEOPLE AROUND US.

HOW WE TAKE MORE NOTE OF THE LITTLE THINGS.

HOW OUR SURROUNDINGS STAY THE SAME BUT WE LOOK AT THEM DIFFERENTLY.

HOW OUR WORLD STOPS WHILE EVERYONE ELSES KEEPS GOING.


Evolving topic: How death affects the way humans react to their surroundings

Social
Physical
Emotional

Evolving topic: How death affects the way humans notice their surrounds...

Translator Notes

In Ward's notes he says "What little Meursault says or feels or does resonates with all he does not say, all he does not feel, all he does not do. (8). This is very powerful and makes the peculiarities of Meursault who he is. As a reader with emotion it is clear when there are gaps in the text. Theses gaps are made clear when there Meursault does not have any emotions that we have. When Marie is telling him how awful it is and you can hear "thuds" from a women getting beaten, it is clear there is something wrong with him. The saying actions speak louder than words helps understand Meursault's character. He action of having sex with Marie but then proceeding to tell her that "it didn't mean anything but that I didn't think so" shows what kind of a person he is. He is detached. We also see his loyalty to Raymond through his actions and how he doesn't go get the police. When he begins to get upset about Maman it is triggered by seeing someone else's emotions.

Camus Blog

 Meursault is very intravtered. I believe since his mother passed away he has become. Rey passive. When emotions are drained, sometimes it's best to look at things simply. Whether he is aware of it or not, he creates beautiful imagery because of his loss. Subconsciously he is more aware of his surroundings. Most of the dialog is from other characters because their life is fine. Meursault is detached. He says things like he asked me if I wanted to be pals. I didn't say anything".  He is very blunt. I think that mirrors his judgmental personality. Even though we believe he is detached, his imagery may show that he isn't! If he was then he wouldn't have a sense of what was going on around him.

Comparing Two Writings - Perks and Writing a Paper

When I sit down to write a three page paper, I am writing to show my teacher my knowledge of a subject. Usually, I try to sound sophisticated because it makes me feel as if it shows I know more than I do. While I know that is not true, it is the tone that I subconsciously set. There is a very clear format when I write a paper for a class. "Zeffireli’s differential choice of not having a crowd in the room detracts from any respect the King may receive and the respect the King has for Hamlet." My writing does not convey my real voice or tone. It almost as if I just know to follow a formula. When author's begin to write stories they adapt a different character for a different audience every time. Stephen Chobosky, the author of Perks of Being a Wallflower, adapted a character named Charlie. Charlie diaries and the reader gets to understand the story through the stories he tells his diary. Since he is only in 9th grade, Chobosky used vocabulary and diction to demonstrate his mindset.  While Charlie is shopping for Christmas presents for his family... "My mom likes old movies and plants. My dad only likes golf...and he doesn't play baseball anymore." The simplicity of the diction mirrors his young and simple thought process.  Chobosky is not trying to get an A or show anybody that he read a book. He is free to write in any style and in anyway. Changing the audience, changes the purpose and tone.

Darwin, Genesis

While Darwin and the authors of Genesis did not intend to convey the same message, in a way they do. Although both address creation. The diction and syntax of the sentences completely changes the tone. Genesis, has a commanding tone, demonstrating power. "And God said", the continuous ands allow for the reader to see a growing evolution of thoughts. The sentences are also shorter and more demanding. There is no question about what happens, "and it was so." Darwin's sentences are more formed, showing a method. He justifies scientifically the evolution of species. Darwin does not start a war with religion. When he says "Creator", the acknowledgment and capitalization shows respect for a G-d. Things evolve in Origin of Species, but there is no intermediate in the Bible. "Let there be light" is demanding in the bible but in Darwin, "light will be thrown on the origin of man and his history" is more evolving. While the portion given is scientific, the last two lines are poetic like Biblical writing.

Metamorphosis Writing Quiz

3. METAMORPHOSIS 

Throughout the novella, Gregor experiences mental, emotional and physical metamorphosis. While the opening line is blunt about his physical change, his mental and emotional changes become more apparent as the novella progresses. "When Gregor Samasa awoke in his bed one morning from unquiet dreams, he found himself transformed into a enormous insect" (Kafka 4). He is large and cannot move places in the same way that he did before. His odor is almost unbearable. Out of shock, fear and pain "in the first two weeks his parents could not bring themselves to come in to see him" (50). Not seeing his parents was a dramatic change for Gregor who, in the Samsa household, was the soul provider. He appears to have been a reliable and dedicated family member and very good older brother. After his physical change prevents him from working, the dynamic in his family beings to change. His family no longer respects his hard work but rather belittles him and acts as if he cannot relate or understand him. While he can understand him the physical changes began to make it so he cannot relate to them. Although it is very difficult for his family to accept the changes that are occurring in their household, all three of them return to work. This results in an attitude change from Gregor's father who had previously been in a bit of a slum. No longer being needed in his family, Gregor's mental and emotional well being begins to demise. At the beginning he appears to be a loving and protective older brother but when he beings to lose his mind a bit, it becomes more apparent that he may be in love with his sister and have deeper feelings. He wants to kiss her neck and hope that she is also drawn into him the same way. Grete, his sister, was the most supportive of him as well but at one point she believes that Gregror's physical metamorphosis is "killing" both of their parents. "You must simply try to rid yourself of the thought that it's Gregor". Gregor is mentally gone at this point.  Physically not returning to the old him and emotionally becoming a monster. Grete also experiences transformations. She goes from being Gregor's main support systems to finally learning how to take a stance for the good of herself and her family. At the beginning of the novella, she does not work and by the end she is independent and working. "At the end of their journey, their daughter rose first and stretched her young body" (96). Therefore, she also experiences mental, emotional and physical metamorphosis.

Finished met

There was something pleasing and disappointing at the end of the book. I had always been intrigued by the brother sister dynamic in the book. I'm glad at the end that she is portrayed as beautiful and blossomed but I was also intrigued  by the fact that he was a BUG! I wasn't satisfied in the end about that. I think I'm going to analyze family dynamic and write my essay about that.

Evolution

I'm shocked and proud of how far I've come as a writer. Just looking at my first essay from the beginning of the year I feel like I'm so much more prepared for college next year. I could barely write 3 pages and now I am thinking of my own ideas and writing for pages. I'm really excited! I know that I can only get better and cannot wait to continue to think for myself and produce those results in my writing.

Kafka - Circle Discussion

Family dynamics were brought up a lot. While some of my classmates believe that Gregor hates his dad I think despite his subconscious resentment...he loves his dad the same way he loves the rest of his family. I think all he knows is to do work and give the money to the family and he has become okay with it. Being a bug allows him to see that his family will be fine. He doesn't have to work and he gets time to himself. Sometimes we all need to slow down and take advantages of the beautiful life we have. Especially my generation.  If we didn't have thumbs and couldn't text we would be lost. While I think it'd be nice sometimes to put it down, it is a habit.

Big or Small?

Throughout the novella I have wondered if he is a big bug or a small bug. While I know that's a silly question it helps me invision the book and therefore read faster. I discovered he's a big bug and now I feel like I'm reading a children's book!

Metamorphasis

While heart of darkness had difficult concepts and diction, this novella has a strange story but simple yet beautiful diction. I enjoy that because it allows me to appreciate the story and notice the words because I'm not trying to understand what's going on!

Socratic Circle

I really enjoy when our class does these. It allows students to interact with one another and hear to others opinions that we wouldn't usually hear. It also allows us to work together and to respect one another's opinions. I hope we continue to do more of these and as we do more, I hope more students participate.

Body 3

Whether or not Marlow has a suppressing ego and super-ego is made unclear by his inconsistent behavior. When he arrives at the congo, he has morals and sensibility and therefore it is clear that his ego and super-ego are functioning. The ego and the super-ego use rationality to repress the id’s dark and instinctual thoughts. “And thus neither that fireman nor I had any time to peer into our creepy thoughts” (Conrad 45). Marlow is aware that he has the ability to think unnecessary thoughts, but Conrad’s use of “peer into” suggests that Marlow’s ego and super-ego may suppress them. Although Marlow can restrain his impulsive actions and think with rationality, his id may seep through and block his good intentions. When he has to chose between the “strong lusty, red-eyed devils” (Conrad 20), the cannibals and the “weak-eyed devil or rapacious and pitiless folly” (Conrad 20), the pilgrims, he “stood on this hillside” (Conrad 20)  and “foresaw that in the blinding sunshine of that land” (Conrad 20)  that “he would become acquainted with a flabby” (Conrad 20). He didn’t want to become weak. He used his heart to chose to be associated with the cannibals because they were true to themselves. But he also choses to be associated with people that eat one another. Allowing his super-ego to control the choice of a lifestyle that is true to what he believes in is controversial because, of the demoralization of mankind. 

Body Paragraph 2

Since Kurtz is so selfish, it is clear that his ego and super ego have not matured to censor his id. When it comes to love, one of the strongest emotions one can feel, all parts of the mind should be involved. It is speculated that Kurtz has two women in his life. Marlow implies that when Kurtz returns from Africa he will marry one lover but while he is in Africa, he has “a wild and gorgeous apparition of a woman” (Conrad 74). Apparitions occur in one’s unconsciousness. Kurtz does not think about his fiance but only about pleasing himself. His hormonal impulses become action since there is no reason in him to stop. While feeling sexually secure is important to Kurtz, so is feeling powerfully secure. Despite humanity, Kurtz displays “shrunken heads” (Conrad **). These skulls are facing his bedroom and placed there to intimidate people that journey by. He doesn’t see the importance of people’s feelings or what society thinks about him. Instead of being worried about being judged by society his id allows him to inflate his confidence. The darkness of the skulls, his impulsive and selfish behavior illuminates his id. He is power hungry. With an ego and a super-ego, he would be able to hear his voice of reason and therefore, would not hurt as many people. Up until his last words “the horror, the horror” (Conrad **), Kurtz was a man of unrestrained darkness. Kurtz’ voice of reason is silenced by his id. 

Marlow info for paragraph

Thesis: Kertz' personality illuminates Freud's analysis of the human psyche and therefore causes the reader to question Marlow's true personality. 

"Strong lusty, read-eyed devils that swayed and drove men. I stoop on this hillside, I foresaw that in the blinding sunshine of that land I would become acquainted with a flabby, pretending, weak-eyed devil of rapacious and pitiless folly"  (20)

"I saw the time approaching when I would be left alone of the party of "unsound method." (82)

New Body Paragraph

As the only psyche present from birth, the id, appropriately, is responsible for unthought out thoughts. Usually, as humans develop, their minds mature with the rest of their bodies. The ego and the super-ego use rationality to repress the id’s dark and instinctual thoughts. “And thus neither that fireman nor I had any time to peer into our creepy thoughts” (Conrad 45). Marlow is aware that he has the ability to think unnecessary thoughts but Conrad’s use of “peer into” suggests that Marlow’s ego and super-ego are well functioning.  In society, unhappy thoughts are looked down upon. Therefore, humans attempt to subdue some of their thoughts. “Much of what lies in the unconscious mind has been put there by consciousness, which acts as a censor, driving underground, as it were, unconscious or conscious thoughts or instincts that is deems unacceptable” (Karl 114). While self-repression may appear as a unhealthy tactic, having no control over impulsive actions is a lot worst. 

Body Paragraph 1

As the only psyche present from birth, the id is appropriately responsible for instinctual thoughts and actions. Since it is present from birth, like most traits, the id should develop into the ego and the super-ego.  The ego and super-ego produce rational thoughts and repress the thoughts that the id creates. Freud values the repression quality. While humans try to subdue their dark thoughts and impulses it can be hard. [I LEFT MY NOTES AT SCHOOL...THIS ISN'T GOOD!]

Map

Intro

In Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness, Kertz, an ivory trader’s,  personality illuminates Sigmound Freud’s analysis of human flaws and causes Charles Marlow, an ivory transporter, to subconsciously reevaluate himself. Freud believes that there are three parts of the human psychic, the id, the ego and the super-ego. Kertz’ unattractive characteristics are rooted in the id. The id is the only personality trait present from birth. Usually, since it is also the center of uncoordinated and impulsive thoughts, most humans mature from the id and think with their ego and or super-ego which would allow them to make rational and beneficial decisions. Unfortunately, through out the novella it becomes more and more apparent that Kertz has not yet developed his thoughts through his ego or super-ego. His impulsive actions lead to Marlow subconsciously trying to better himself. Kertz is aware that some of the irrational decisions he makes harms the people around him, yet he continues to take them. Throughout the novella, as Kertz and Marlow journey on the Congo River, Freud’s belief in the id is illuminated through Kertz’s selfish actions. 

Idea for Essay

I think that Kurtz is Selfish. He has two women, therefore doesn't actually care Bout their hearts, only his. His ivory, his boat, his everything. The Karl documents justify that Kurtz is all about himself. Kurtz is in arrested development. He never grew from his id. A two year old has a hard time sharing, a grown man shouldn't act the same way as a two year old.

Fredrick

Passage

The Gap...

I know it sounds juvenile but when we read out loud in class it helps me follow along and pay attention because I'm always aware incase it's my turn. It also helps me understand the book and therefore I can read faster. When I don't understand I have to reread passages and it slows me down. Also, building a tolerance is good. If we read a little more everyday then when we get to college we will be ready and prepared. If I am really into the plot of a book I read more, when I get to college I will chose my classes and it will hopefully allow me to be interested and want to read. 

Conrad + Freud

Conrad states that every place once was a dark place. Freud believes that the id is the only  personality trait that is present from birth. The id is also known to control some of a human's darker thoughts but Freud believes that the super-ego, a person's moral conscious,  can stop the id. Therefore, humans were all had dark thoughts paralleling to the way everyplace on earth was at one point dark. Marlow believes that he is above all and is very judgmental of both the pilgrims and the cannibals. Although he sees flaws in both groups of people, his ego, the minds reality, and his super-ego allow him to realize that he would rather be honest and true like the cannibals. The narration in Heart of Darkness , can seem very dream like since it is very descriptive and  dense. Freud's theory of subconscious mirrors dreams. While Conrad's text seems complex and at times confusing, Freud's theory of the subconscious helps justify the novel.

Heart of Darkness

There are many literary terms that allow the reader to analyze Conrad's state of mind. I'm enjoying finding them.

Freud Discussion

Today's discussion about Freud was fascinating to me since I experience freudian slips in my daily life but never knew he had a theory about it. Although some of the discussion was a bit "gross," it made me wonder if I only thought it was "gross" because society has conditioned me to think so. Freud states that society heavily affects what we believe to be "normal." The fact that our impulse to be dangerous and our impulse to be sexual comes from the same part of our brain is crazy to me. All of his beliefs made me think about meanings in my daily life. 

Heart of Darkness

The novela begins using words that don't mask the meaning of darkness but rather flat out say it. Words like "darkness" and "ominous" are said justifying the intense mood we have all been speculating.

Heart of Darkness - Opening

The opening of Heart of Darkness uses beautiful but abstract langue. The sentence structure is complex reflecting the complexity of the plot. Since the novela begins in an abstract way it allows me to have an open mind and analyze the diction of the story.